A passage from the excellent BBC dramatization of George Eliot's 'Middlemarch'. Judi Dench is the voice of the narrator. Dorothea is one of the main characters. She has great hopes of intellectual advancement and helping her fellow man. But...
"And Dorothea. She had no dreams of being praised above other women, feeling that there was always something better which she might have done, if she had only been better and known better. Her full nature spent itself in deeds which left no great name on the earth, but the effect of her being on those around her was incalcuable. For the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts and on all those Dorothea's who live faithfully their hidden lives and rest in unvisited tombs."
This is not just a beautifully written conclusion to a great story but it hits home at the very heart of the experience of the vast majority of the ordinary human beings who 'live faithfully their hidden lives'. I can strongly identify with Dorothea's aspirations and her disappointments all too well. Not many of us will get the chance to achieve a great historic act that will reverberate down through history. If we are sincere in our good acts then we should not worry about that but there is always something in us that wants to achieve more for the greater good of the world, or at least in my case sometimes for the good of my own ego. We all suffer the frustration and pain of being largely futile in the face of the injustices and suffering that we witness on tv or read in the newspaper or pass in the street. We do what little we can but for the large part we just have to accept the way of the world. It is something I have personally found difficult to accept and I've had to learn not to take the burden of the world on my shoulders. To quote Mother Theresa: "In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love." You don't have to be religious to appreciate the wisdom and truth of those words. They are relevant in the psychological realm as well as the spiritual. The effect of Dorothea's 'being' on her neighbours and friends cannot be underestimated. I know many ordinary people who are loving and caring and kind, and I am blessed by this and it gives me strength and hope. To quote this time Tolstoy: "Everyone thinks of changing the world but no one thinks of changing himself." How true. How I wish our politicans would take these words to heart. I hope that I too may have the courage and humility to live faithfully my hidden life with love and integrity, just like Dorothea. So, when you meet me the next time, don't call me Michael, just call me Dorothea.
Thursday, 25 November 2010
Wednesday, 10 November 2010
Top Ten Celebrity Crush List 2010
1. Winona Ryder (beautiful eyes)
2. Eliza Doolittle (the best pair of legs in music)
3. Gemma Arterton (sadly now married)
4. Shakira (her hips drive me crazy)
5. Eva Green (still single so I'm in with a chance)
6. Uma Thurman (she's too tall so in reality a relationship is unlikely)
7. Penny from The Big Bang Theory (she's the only reason I watch the show)
8. Zheng Ziyi (a Chinese Natalie Portman)
9. Emily Blunt (marry me Emily!)
10. Rose Byrne (brains and beauty, a winning combination)
2. Eliza Doolittle (the best pair of legs in music)
3. Gemma Arterton (sadly now married)
4. Shakira (her hips drive me crazy)
5. Eva Green (still single so I'm in with a chance)
6. Uma Thurman (she's too tall so in reality a relationship is unlikely)
7. Penny from The Big Bang Theory (she's the only reason I watch the show)
8. Zheng Ziyi (a Chinese Natalie Portman)
9. Emily Blunt (marry me Emily!)
10. Rose Byrne (brains and beauty, a winning combination)
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
A knock at the door
I’m sitting in front of the tv in a stupor. There’s a knock at the door. It must be Toni and Cody looking for my mum. As I pass the kitchen my mum mouths ‘I’m not in’. She’s tired. I open the door to reveal the two girls. Cody is taller with dusky red hair and a few teeth missing. Toni has long dark blonde hair and it swirls around her slender neck. Dirt is smeared around her pretty face. She has a twinkle in her eye.
‘Can we speak to Nancy?’
‘My mum’s actually busy just now doing the dishes. Maybe tomorrow.’
‘We’ve finished our dinner.’
‘Have you? That’s great’
‘We ate all of it.’
‘Did you? What did you eat?’
‘Fish cakes,’ says Cody, ‘with loads of chips.’
‘What did you have?’ I ask Toni.
‘The same. I was at her place. Maybe next week I can go again. Or have a sleepover.’
‘She doesn’t live here,’ says Cody.
‘Where do you live Toni?’
She thinks for a moment.
‘What part of Glasgow?’ I add, trying to help.
‘Cambuslang.’
‘Who do you stay with?’
‘Em, my mum, my aunt, my big brother, my two wee brothers,’ all in one breath.
‘That’s a lot of people in one house,’ I observe.
‘I have just four,’ says Cody. ’My mum, my dad, Reece and my dog.’
‘Your dog is not family,’ corrects Toni.
‘Well,’ I interpose, ‘for some people a pet is like a member of the family. Like our tiger.’
I turn slightly and nod in the direction of a large fluffy tiger sitting at the back of the hallway. They strain their necks to look. Somebody had given it to my sister but she thought it was kitsch and was going to throw it out. My mum took a liking to it and gave the tiger a home. It has guarded over us ever since. We named him Tony.
They both grin in amusement.
‘That?’
‘Yeah, sure. He’s part of our family. I talk to him at night when he comes alive.’
‘No he doesn’t.’
‘He does, I swear.’
Toni cocks her head sideways.
‘Can we have a sticker?’
I hesitate for a moment but I already know the answer. I’m soft hearted when it comes to children.
‘Sure. Just a minute.’
I edge into the kitchen where my mum is sitting on a stool, a cup of tea in her hands.
‘Where are the stickers?’ I whisper.
‘In Christina’s room, on top of the pink box.’
I search the room and find them.
‘Can we have three?’ asks Cody, as I hand them over.
‘Yeah.’
They inspect the selection. After a few moments Toni chooses a pink ‘Good Girl’ sticker and attaches it to her white T-shirt. Cody is undecided. Earlier on they had turned up at our doorstep and announced to my mum that they had tidied up Toni’s garden and picked up all the litter. They were rewared with stickers and now they were back for more. Cody fiddles with the stickers. She is thinking something over.
‘Can we give the tiger a sticker?’
I drag the tiger to the door and she places a star on his nose.
‘Pick some for yourself,’ I suggest.
They ponder for a few minutes, taking their time to choose.
‘Okay girls,’ as I gently take the stickers back, ‘I have got some work to do.’
I put a hand on the edge of the door but they still stand there.
Toni opens her arms out.
‘A cuddle?’
I smile, touched.
I reach down and give her a hug. She is so small and fragile. I hesitate and then reach over to Cody and give her a quick hug.
I feel a warm glow inside.
‘Okay, girls,’ closing the door slowly, ‘take care.’
‘Bye!’ they chime.
I close the door with a smile on my face.
‘Can we speak to Nancy?’
‘My mum’s actually busy just now doing the dishes. Maybe tomorrow.’
‘We’ve finished our dinner.’
‘Have you? That’s great’
‘We ate all of it.’
‘Did you? What did you eat?’
‘Fish cakes,’ says Cody, ‘with loads of chips.’
‘What did you have?’ I ask Toni.
‘The same. I was at her place. Maybe next week I can go again. Or have a sleepover.’
‘She doesn’t live here,’ says Cody.
‘Where do you live Toni?’
She thinks for a moment.
‘What part of Glasgow?’ I add, trying to help.
‘Cambuslang.’
‘Who do you stay with?’
‘Em, my mum, my aunt, my big brother, my two wee brothers,’ all in one breath.
‘That’s a lot of people in one house,’ I observe.
‘I have just four,’ says Cody. ’My mum, my dad, Reece and my dog.’
‘Your dog is not family,’ corrects Toni.
‘Well,’ I interpose, ‘for some people a pet is like a member of the family. Like our tiger.’
I turn slightly and nod in the direction of a large fluffy tiger sitting at the back of the hallway. They strain their necks to look. Somebody had given it to my sister but she thought it was kitsch and was going to throw it out. My mum took a liking to it and gave the tiger a home. It has guarded over us ever since. We named him Tony.
They both grin in amusement.
‘That?’
‘Yeah, sure. He’s part of our family. I talk to him at night when he comes alive.’
‘No he doesn’t.’
‘He does, I swear.’
Toni cocks her head sideways.
‘Can we have a sticker?’
I hesitate for a moment but I already know the answer. I’m soft hearted when it comes to children.
‘Sure. Just a minute.’
I edge into the kitchen where my mum is sitting on a stool, a cup of tea in her hands.
‘Where are the stickers?’ I whisper.
‘In Christina’s room, on top of the pink box.’
I search the room and find them.
‘Can we have three?’ asks Cody, as I hand them over.
‘Yeah.’
They inspect the selection. After a few moments Toni chooses a pink ‘Good Girl’ sticker and attaches it to her white T-shirt. Cody is undecided. Earlier on they had turned up at our doorstep and announced to my mum that they had tidied up Toni’s garden and picked up all the litter. They were rewared with stickers and now they were back for more. Cody fiddles with the stickers. She is thinking something over.
‘Can we give the tiger a sticker?’
I drag the tiger to the door and she places a star on his nose.
‘Pick some for yourself,’ I suggest.
They ponder for a few minutes, taking their time to choose.
‘Okay girls,’ as I gently take the stickers back, ‘I have got some work to do.’
I put a hand on the edge of the door but they still stand there.
Toni opens her arms out.
‘A cuddle?’
I smile, touched.
I reach down and give her a hug. She is so small and fragile. I hesitate and then reach over to Cody and give her a quick hug.
I feel a warm glow inside.
‘Okay, girls,’ closing the door slowly, ‘take care.’
‘Bye!’ they chime.
I close the door with a smile on my face.
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