Edinburgh Festival Part 2

Well, there's good news and there is bad news. The good news is that Alan survived his 'Mad Chris' Ibiza holiday. The fundamental reason he survived is because he did not go. The bad news (for myself and Tony and all other fans) is that Bert Jansch cancelled his concert last weekend and instead the pair of us got roped into going to a nightclub. This Saturday was an altogether more cultured affair. First stop was Isy Suttie: Pearl and Dave at The Pleasance Courtyard. Isy Suttie turned out to be a strangely attractive, slightly offbeat but likeable English comedian and actress who bounded onstage with a guitar and an appealing smile. Through a mixture of music, storytelling and comedy she told the whimsical story of 'Pearl and Dave', two characters who reconnect on the internet a few years after failing to act on the mutual attraction they experience the first time they meet at a holiday resort in the mid 1990's. My friend Tony felt that the story of Pearl and Dave began to wear a bit thin after a while, and I guess he had a fair point, but I quite enjoyed how it all unfolded, despite the growing sense that these two characters were a figment of her imagination rather than the real people she claimed them to be. At the very least I think a lot of creative license was applied. Isy is a fairly accomplished guitarist but I agreed with Tony when he observed that all her songs sounded the same. That was probably the weakest part of her act but on the whole I found her performance entertaining and I particularly liked the way she drank from her bottle of mineral water. She would occassionaly pause to take a slug from it like a hard drinking Russian swigging down a bottle of Vodka. After a quick pint and oggling (great word) at the pretty bairmaids we tallied forth (great expression) to the Symposium Hall to see Dr Phil's Rude Health Show.

For some bizarre reason, which I can only attribute to my brain being frazzled at the sight of so many beautiful girls, I had an image in my mind of a big bearded guy with a pirates eye patch and white doctors coat. However I immediately recognised him as the celebrity doctor (he is a real doctor) who appears on various tv shows and writes articles for a satirical magazine called Private Eye. We were hoping that Dr Phil would not make too many medical injokes but we had sufficient knowledge of the NHS (National Health Service) and the human anatomy to enjoy his amusing and insightful observations on the subject. He also included plenty of funny, and occassionally rude, ancedotes from his experience as a practising doctor, so his health show was anything but dry and exclusive. We then had a disastrous chip shop supper: 1) a fish supper cost £7 (outrageous but to be expected at the Festival) 2) Alan ate chips and cheese which came back to haunt him 3) I ordered a smoked sausage supper and then shortly dropped the sausage onto the pavement. It's just as well I did not pay £7 for it. I was severely disgruntled as we arrived at the Assembly Hall for Andy Parsons: Gruntled. Everybody knows this comedian as the bald guy from Mock The Week, a satirical and irreverant quiz show in which the pannelists conjure comedy out of current affairs. The Assembly Hall was packed to capacity, which prompted Tony to make a good obsevation about the pulling power of television.
Andy Parsons is a decent comedian but it is unlikely he would have had this impressive turnout without his regular slot on Mock The Week. Much of his comedy sprang from what was happening in the world of politics and current affarirs, which I did not mind, but it probably alienated a certain part of the audience. It was an enjoyable hour but only once or twice did I laugh with any real gusto. We then weaved our way in a mad dash to the Surgeons Grand for Get Carter, our second play of the Festival. I have not seen the film, much to Alan's amazement, but I had a rough idea of the plot. Jack Carter returns to his hometown to investigate the mysterious death of his brother and in the process he gets drawn into a seedy violent underworld. It was a gritty, hard-hitting production that was not for the faint hearted. It had very strong language and full frontal nudity (we squirmed in our seats as Jack Carter brandished a sawn-off shotgun while wearing only his socks). The acting was very good, making me curse Shia LaBeouf all the more, and the direction flowed along well enough to keep the audience engrossed. The only major flaw of the play was that the identity of some of the characters became confusing. The director or screenwriter should have aimed for a happy medium of making it clearer who exactly was who without diluting the plot or slowing down the action. After the play we had plenty of time to kill until our 1.30AM bus back to Glasgow so we chilled Snoop Dog style in the Pleasance Courtyard with a few alcoholic refreshments. Ideally we would have taken a limousine home Snoop Dog style but we had to suffer the company of a particularly annoying drunken idiot who continually told all the passengers that the bus was not on the correct road to Glasgow. If I had been the driver I would have stopped the bus and tossed him onto the hard shoulder, no doubt to rapturous applause, but that did not happend because life is rarely that just or fair. So thanks to CityLink the Festival started poorly and ended poorly, but everything else inbetween was jolly good fun.

Ending on a positive note

Like most people, I have been disturbed by the rioting, looting and violence that occured in parts of London and other English cities earlier this month. For those who don't know, it was sparked by the fatal shooting of a man by police in London: there followed a protest march by friends and family of the departed, and although initially peaceful it soon erupted into violence and other criminal activities. I just want to make it clear that I don't condone such actions and those who are responsible should be brought to justice, but I think it is rich and hypocritical of our Prime Minister David Cameron and other politicans to take the moral high ground in their own condemnation of what has happened. It makes them look like strong leaders to take the moral high ground and use strong words against the criminals. In fact they are either incrediably narrowminded or completely out of touch with reality. They should have the courage and honesty to admit that generations of urban working class people have been neglected and the recent violence and looting are the consequences of this neglect. For generations politicans and the powers that be have failed to invest in adequate education, health care, community services and most of all employment, especially in these urban areas. It is little wonder that a significant proportion of this present generation of youth are completely devoid of hope and purpose. This violent reaction should be a wake up call for the nation but I fear that our politicians will take the easy option and punish the criminal element without addressing the deep rooted problems. I am genuinely amazed that these people get into positions of such power and influence. I could write another 500 words about how useless our politicians are but I will try to finish this blog entry on a positive note. My friend Jackie says that every movie should have a happy ending because real life can be depressing and tough. So here are a few uplifting quotes to end this blog on a high.

"How you think about a problem is more important than the problem itself. So always think positively." ~ Norman Vincent Peale

"There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate."
-Charles Dickens

"It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." - Epictetus

Edinburgh Festival Part 1

Time for more adventures in the capital. The day got off to a predictable start with the 11AM Citylink bus to Edinburgh full to capacity and it passed us by as we stood abject at the bus stop. As my friend Alan pointed out, Citylink run well enough under normal circumstances but you would think that they would run more buses during the Festival or when there is a major event taking place that might involve extra commuters. However, apart from an encounter with an unfriendly monosyllabic member of staff at Easterhouse Train Station, we got the train without much fuss and arrived in Edinburgh in good time. This year we decided to mix things up and branch out into other forms of entertainment rather than our usual diet of standup comedy. First on the bill was 'Singing I'm No A Billy, He's A Tim', a play that deals with the problem of football related bigotry and sectarianism in a humorous but uncompromising way. For those who don't know, a 'Billy' is a Protestant supporter of Rangers Football Club, a 'Tim' is a Catholic supporter of Celtic Football Club. There has been a long standing rivalary between the two clubs, often descending into hateful sectarianism due to the different religions and ethnic origins. The premis of the play is that a Ranger's fan and a Celtic fan get locked up in a prison cell on the day that the two rival clubs play. What follows is the inevitable tension and barrage of insults, each fan questioning the others prejudices and tinted views. However as the play develops they manage to find common ground, often helped by the objective presence of the police officer on duty, and an unlikey friendship is formed. The language throughout is extremely strong and crude, the playwrite maybe trying too hard to give the play a feeling of realism. Despite this it is well written and acted, funny, highly relevant and thought-provoking, and if the language was strongly toned down then I think it could be well worth while showing this play in schools around Scotland.
The rain greeted us as we emerged onto the streets of Edinburgh and it continued to pour heavily for the rest of the day. We found solage in The Three Sisters, a pub that boasted the prettiest barmaids in Scotland. While Tony and Alan watched rugby and sampled the draught cider I spent the next two hours trying to persuade the barmaids to relocate to my local pub in the east end of Glasgow, but alas my efforts were in vain. Our next location was The Spaces on the Mile, which to our bemusement turned out to be the Radisson Hotel. It did not seem like a typical fringe venue. We were there for Absolute Improv, a troupe of young comedy performers who improvise in scenarios and games aided by suggestions and collaboration from the audience. If you have seen Whose Line Is It Anyway? then it is very much like that. The performers were not in that class of comedy improv but they were undoubtedly quick witted and there were plenty of laughs. Not bad for £5.50. We rejoined the rain soaked crowds and headed straight to the Udderbelly's Pasture to see our next show. While waiting we sought shelter under a huge inflatible purple cow. I am infinitely relieved that it did not fall on top of us: that would probably be the most stupid way to die and something I don't want mentioned in my obituary.



Michael Winslow, billed as 'the man of 10,000 sound effects', is best known as the guy from the Police Academy films who makes lots of funny noises with his mouth. Our expectations were high and on the whole he did not disappoint. If his comedy was not always side splittingly funny then he more than made up for it with his sound effects. He did have the help of an effects pedal but nevertheless he possesses an extraordinary talent. It is well worth checking him out in action on YouTube as my words cannot do him justice. His Jimi Hendrix impression was particularly impressive. People outside the tent might well have thought that there was a guy playing a real guitar, such was the realism of his distorted guitar sound. All this from his mouth, quite amazing. So, despite the constant rain and my failure to kidnap any pretty barmaids it was a successful start to the Festival. I have not had a holiday this summer so I was really looking forward to the Festival this year and I was not disappointed. Next up, my guitar hero Bert Jansch in concert. Alan will be MIA* for this due to a holiday in Ibiza with 'Mad Chris', and if Mad Chris lives up to his name then Alan might be MIA for a long, long time. Watch this space.

* Missing In Action

Lucian Freud

Frank Auerbach by Lucian Freud 1976


Love or loathe his style, not many people would deny that Lucian Freud was a painter of immense skill and dedication. The German born British artist focused on portrait and figurative paintings for the bulk of his career, and carved a niche in that part of the art world that was as distinct and brilliant as Rembrandt. Born in Berlin in 1922 Freud and his family fled Nazi Germany in 1933 and settled in London. He studied briefly at various colleges and schools of art before the war and his early work seemed to be strongly influnced by Surrealism, involving an experimental juxtaposition of figures and objects composed with a thin layer of paint. During the 1950's Freud underwent a significant change in style which would last for the rest of his career. He focused more on portraits and the nude, building up his paintings with a thick impasto of often muted colours. This technique would frequently involve cleaning his brush after each stroke. His models were usually friends and family, and he said of his work: 'The subject matter is autobiographical, it's all to do with hope and memory and sensuality and involvement, really.' For Freud, painting another human being was much more than just trying to capture a good likeness. There was a strong psychological dimension and each stroke seemed like an incision in trying to get under the subjects skin and expose the insecurities and flaws beneath. Art critic Martin Gayford had his portrait by Freud and remarked that it seemed to "reveal secrets—ageing, ugliness, faults—that I imagine...I am hiding from the world...". This is what some people might not like about his art. His approach was often raw and brutal and there is a certain nihilism that comes through, often in a subtle way. He has been compared with Francis Bacon and I can understand why. Their art was in many ways a response to the breakdown of 20th century society. It is not uplifting or wholesome and I personally would have major reservations about hanging it up on my bedroom wall. I don't think it would give an environment a positive or joyful vibe. Regardless, Freud is probably my favorite painter of the portrait and nude. His work is incrediably powerful and technically brilliant, and for some reason I find it fascinating, albeit in small doses.

Lucian Freud 1922 - 2011 REST IN PEACE

(Thanks to Tony Murphy for helping me to post the above image)

Top ten talented actors who deserve better film roles

1. Richard E. Grant - He was outstanding as Withnail in the cult classic 'Withnail and I' back in the mid 1980's. During the 1990's he appeared in some decent supporting roles films such as L.A. Story and The Age Of Innocence but since then he has been criminally underused much to my astonishment and annoyance. An actor of his talent should regulary be seen in quality roles.

2. Christopher Walken - He is certainly regarded as a successful actor and a big movie star but, after watching his astonishing performance in The Deer Hunter, I am surprised that he has not been given similar meaty roles to get his teeth into, at least within mainstream cinema. He got the chance to flex his acting muscles in films such as True Romance and Catch Me If You Can but I feel he deserves better.

3. Michael Keaton - Probably my favourite Batman, Keaton is a very versatile actor. He was as convincing in his straight role in Jackie Brown as he was in his comic turns in Beetlejuice and Much Ado About Nothing. In the last ten years I have seen very little of him, which is a great pity.

4. Adrien Brody - His big breakthrough came in his Oscar winning performance in The Pianist. There followed a couple of interesting roles in The Village and The Jacket but his career has never really taken off on the back of his Oscar win. He was recently the lead role in the lastest of the Predator films. From the sublime to the ridiculous. I hope his career gets back on track.

5. Tim Roth - Best known as Mr Pink in Resevoir Dogs, Tim Roth has maintained a decent career but it has never really taken off in a way which reflects his talent. He was great as the villian in Rob Roy, for which he was nominated an Oscar, but like all the other actors on this list he deserves better film roles, especially since 2000 onwards.

6. Gabriel Byrne - Best known for his role in The Usual Suspects, Byrne has recently been starring in the hit US drama In Treatment, and I am glad to hear that his performance in this has been critically acclaimed. In between then he has dropped in and out of the radar, popping up in very average films such as Stigmata and Assault On Preccint 13. I hope his success in US television reignites his film career.

7. James Caan - Best known for his role as the hot tempered Sonny in The Godfather, a promising career lay ahead for James Caan but, with a couple of exceptions, it has never quite happened for him. The couple of exceptions are Misery and Way Of The Gun, and he is excellent in both. Oh of course, he is in Elf, but it's Will Ferrell who steals the show in that film.

8. Robert Carlyle - His finest hour as Begby in Trainspotting was also the role that launched his career, although he is probably best loved for playing Gaz in the massive British hit The Full Monty. Since then he his film roles have been steady but unspectacular. Hopefully he will be given better film roles to show his acting skills to a wider audience.

9. Michael Biehn - He burst onto the big screen in the mid 1980's as Kyle Reese in The Terminator and for a while things were looking good for Biehn. He starred in Aliens and put in a very impressive performance as a deranged navy seal in The Abyss. During the 1990's he had supporting roles in The Rock and Tombstone which are not to be sniffed at but perhaps the turning point in his career was Alien 3. Originally he was to be the main protagonist but in the final draft of the screenplay his character is killed off in the opening scene and the main role in the film went to Sigourney Weaver. His career might have taken a different path if he had landed the lead in Alien 3 and since then he has struggled to get significant roles.

10. Samuel L. Jackson - Perhaps the surprise choice in this list. He is certainly a massive movie star but since Pulp Fiction he has only had a small handful roles that have matched his acting talents, namely Jackie Brown, Changing Lanes and Lakeview Terrace.

Dumbing down

I recently read an excellent and very interesting article by film critic Barry Norman. He discusses the idea that, following the box office and critical flops of certain films, the days of the 'movie star' are numbered and Hollywood is now catering to a certain niche of cinema goers, namely young people who are more attracted to special effects and blockbuster action than good acting and an interesting storyline. It's something that I have noticed myself over the past few years. Unfortunately these days film companies in Hollywood are increasingly more driven by profits and not the art of making powerful and meaningful cinema. The Transformers franchise is a prime example of this. It is film making at its worse but it has still managed to gross millions of dollars worldwide in box office sales. I could go on a rant about how Michael Bay, the director, has ruined what was a great tv cartoon series in the 1980's but my friend Tony has already done that on his own blog so I will not digress. I have noticed this same trend in mainstream music. Two words, Justin Bieber. And two more words, generic rubbish. I think there has been a general dumbing down in both contemporary mainstream music and cinema, but, and it's a big but, this generation is not yet a lost cause. There IS good contemporary film and music out there but these days, with a few exceptions like The King's Speech and Foo Fighters for example, you have look outside the mainstream market to find it. I've noticed on YouTube that people lament modern music and go on about the golden days of the 1960's when music had integrity and genuine talent. There was certainly an abundance of great music from the 1960's but I'm sure there were many generic bands of that time as well, now of course forgotten because they are not worth remembering. The same will be true, I hope, of Justin Bieber and Transformers.

A line in the sand

While watching a tennis match recently at Wimbledon one of the commentators mentioned that a young female player of about 19 had undergone breast reduction surgery last year to advance her career. Apparently the size of her breasts limited her movement around the tennis court and caused her back pain. Apart from other things it made me think. (I won't tell you what those 'other things' are, 'least it bring a blush of shame to the cheek of modesty', to quote the wonderful P.G. Wodehouse.) Breast surgery, whatever the circumstances, is always a big decision and it made me think of the different reasons that would prompt a woman to take such a step. In my opinion, breast surgery for medical reasons, mostly to relieve back pain I would think, is perfectly sound and irreproachable. The same irreproachability would apply to plastic surgery for people who have been badly injured or burnt in an accident and people born with facial or bodily disfigurements. This is a great achievement of medical technology and skill, and a great thing of course for the recipients. Cosmetic surgery for non-medical reasons is more of a grey area. I used to frown on all types of comestic surgery but I have become a bit more open minded in my old age. I still frown a bit though. I don't understand women who have normal sized breasts undergoing surgery to make them even bigger. I don't agree with this and I think there are deeper issues that these women should address. However, breasts are an important part of a woman's identity and femininity, and flat chested women might be feel less attractive towards men because of their small breast size. A woman's body changes in order to attract men and I'm sure every woman wants to have this attractive power over men (and boy do they use that power!) As a red blooded male of course I find breasts attractive (although I don't why). So in saying that I can understand women getting breast enhancement if they are completely flat chested. In my eyes flat chested women are no less feminine than large chested women but I am not in their shoes so I don't know how it feels. If a woman's flat chest is affecting her confidence and sense of femininity then I think breast enhancement should not be automatically condemned. I can speak to a certain extent from experience. No, I have never had breast surgery, although I am tempted to go under the knife and get my man boobs reduced. As a kid I had prominent front teeth and I wore braces for a few years as a teenager. Wearing braces is not taboo and society does not frown upon improving your appearance in this way. So what is the difference between wearing braces and relying on other forms of cosmetic surgery? I am not exactly sure. I think it is normal to want to look good, there is nothing shallow or insecure about that. But I am of the opinion that it's better to grow old gracefully and accept yourself as you are. Although it is very important to look after your appearance there are some people who take it too far and become fixated on achieving outer beauty. To what extent we focus on our appearance often depends on the state of our inner self. It's strange, in that people with self-esteem problems will react in a different way. People suffering from depression often totally neglect their physical appearance. Similiarly, people with low self-esteem will put on layers of make-up and fake suntan to feel beautiful. For the record I find women like Katie Price distinctly unattractive and artifical. Ultimately, when it comes to comestic surgery and trying to improve our apperanace I think genuine self-esteem and a sense of our own self-worth will help us gain a healthy perspective and enable us to draw a line in the sand.