The Wrecking Crew

I played golf with my dad today. All was going well until the 4th hole. I had just made a par 3 and was feeling pretty good. Then we watched a threesome of middle aged ladies ahead of us slice and hack the course to pieces. It was painful to behold. This agonising slow play continued for the next five holes. Generally I'm not a violent person but I wanted to wrap my 4 iron around their heads or say 'Dad, hand me the rifle, I've got some culling to do.' P.G. Wodehouse, in one of his wonderful golf stories, called them 'the wrecking crew' because they wrecked other people's game. Woman golfers are the worst. I've nothing against the minority who can actually play well and I'm in awe of the professional woman golfers who are wonderful. But there are two types of woman golfers who are the scourge of society. There are those who hit a shot, then stop for five minutes and have a chat, play another feeble effort and then have a good laugh and chat about it. Behind them there are strong men on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Then there are those woman golfers who are just rubbish but are not aware that they are holding up players behind them. The threesome ahead of us belonged to the later. They lacked the awareness that they should let us play through and overtake them. At the end of the game my dad went ahead and spoke to them, bringing to their attention their slow play and the custom of letting those behind play through. Their response was a bare faced lie, claiming that they had been held up by players ahead of them. This was absolute rubbish. At one point my dad and I had sat on a bench for twenty minutes and watched them zigzag their way up a hill to the green. When I heard this I really wanted to personally headbutt each one of them. My solution to all this is separate golf courses for men and woman, or alternatively woman should be given golf lessons until they are good enough to avoid slow play. If I ever become Prime Minister then this will be my first law to pass!