how to impress a barmaid

I just want to say that the barmaids at Failte in Glasgow are the most pretty and comely barmaids in the whole of Scotland. I am now thinking of reasons to go there. I don't want to be constantly drinking in there and give them the impression that I am just an alcoholic bum in desperate need of a shave. Maybe I could go there again with a friend and then 'forget' my wallet or hat and have to go back and engage them in conversation but then they might think that I am an absentminded fool or a harmless eccentric, although of course there is some truth in that. I need to make the right impression. Maybe I should sit there pretending to read The Financial Times (but really with a copy of The beano inside) and stroke my beard in deep philosophical thought, nodding to myself now and again. Women are natural hero worshipers so maybe I could hire a stooge to rob the bar and then leap into action and save the day. Anyone fancy being a stooge to help an old pal impress a barmaid?